lately...

"And I wrote a letter
To my family
Said it's not your fault
And you've been good to me
Just lately I've been feeling
Like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine
To walk upon
And I've heard that music
Echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank
By herself
And I sat watching a flower
As it was withering
I was embarrassed by
It's honesty
So I'd prefer to be remembered
As a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That's taken it's place"

basically that song, sums up how i had been feeling for the past week before tonight. Last weekend I went on a mission trip to Asheville, NC. I was so beautiful there, If you haven't been there, I suggest go. Anyways. Here's what I did, We did there:



We left thursday morning and arrived there early afternoon.
-Biltmore Bapist Church to meet with the college director to learn more about human trafficking. It is in the US! Every two minutes a child somewhere is being prepared for trafficking. Porn is a $11 billion industry, #1 crime by the time 2011 comes in the US will sex trafficking. 12-14 years old is the average age for when girls start getting traffciked, 12. that is so young, and its because they are so vunerable they will believe anything a guy tells them.

Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his[a]faith.-Romans 12:4-6

Friday morning- We went at toured a christian radio station called the light 106.9. It was located at Billy Grahm's "The Cove" which is a beautiful chapel.

Then we met up with some interns at Hope House (a place for girls who have been through traffciking to stay, to get them clean and work with them) and some people from the Church we met with the night before. We all then went to a truck stop and did a silent peaceful protest against sex trafficking, We had many people come and ask us questions, It was really good, awaring people about what was going on.





Friday night was probably my favorite part of the trip. We went to a church and served them. The church was doing a missions theatre dinner. So half us prepared the meal, and the other half served it, I served it. and I enjoyed every second of it. I loved talking to people and serving them. It was alot of fun.

Sat morning- We went to downtown asheville with Hope House, and passed out flyers to local business about awaring people about sex trafficking. then we all went to Wild Wings for lunch, it was a great way to end the trip.



When i got back to school I was right back into school mode, well kind of. I don't think Im really ever all the way into school mode, anyways. i forgot about how much God had showed me. I take that for granted everyday. God is EVERYWHERE!

And I always see God when I am at UPRSING( the middle school youth group i voulnteer at) I've been taking everything for granted lately. And tonight I hung out with the middle school girls, and God just slapped me across the face, reminding me how much I love being there with them, and that's why i want to be a social worker, I just get so unmotivated so easily. all the time. But GOD is EVERYWHERE. and those girls are going to be my motivation for the next four or five years of college.

song of the week

You be the anchor that keeps my feet on my ground,i'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds-Mayday Parade


And honestly, I have been begging for answers
That you and only you can give to me
A voice crying loud
I've been crying for days now
And as I start to run, I stop to breathe

(And I was nearly scared to death)
And I was nearly scared to death
(Of what you left in paragraphs)
Of what you left in paragraphs
(The words were nearly over us)
The words were nearly over us
You stop and turn and grab your bags

And I'll be here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof that there's
Sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall
Like the ashes of cigarettes
And every waves drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question
Is everyone here make-believe?
With a tear in His voice
He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing
To no one but me?

As hours move to minutes
And minutes take longer to break
I will be desperately awaiting
But my tongue won't fall apart
And we've been sitting here for hours
All alone and in the dark

So let me think of how to word it
Is it too soon to say "perfect"?
If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere
I'm sure everything would find me
All that's left is just to sing

And I'll be here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof that there's
Sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall
Like the ashes of cigarettes
And every waves drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question
Is everyone here make-believe?
With a tear in His voice
He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing
To no one but me?

And if you sing to me sweet till then
I may never sail Virginia again
And as this current moves slow for me
This much you must know
We'll meet again
And El, I'll have you know I'm scared to death

Tell me once again
That you'll love me to the death
And should I die
You swear that you will come for me
As I fade away, you reach out your arms
(And please don't let me go)
And please don't let me go
(And please don't let me go)
And please don't let me go

And I'll be here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof that there's
Sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall
Like the ashes of cigarettes
And every waves drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question
Is everyone here make-believe?
With a tear in His voice
He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing
To no one but me?

heartless

you can't lead me on any longer. i know the game, and i'm tired of it.

half of my heart's got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time

mission

MISSION:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days. Tasks must be specific with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part). Why 1001 Days? Many people have created lists in the past – frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks. be inspired to make your own list!
Start date: October 9, 2010 End date: July 6, 2013
{FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS}
01. Call one family member a week to see how they are doing.
02. Call mom/dad at least once a week.
03. Visit the Starnes
04. Visit Aunt Teresa
05. Go on a trip with the family
06. Visit Ana
07. Have family dinners with the gang
08. Take Michael to dinner, once a month
09. Have a family movie night.
10. Ask each family member for their favorite recipe to make a homemade book.
11. Road trip with Erin
12. Take Oldford Kids for a photoshoot
13. Make cookies with mom over thanksgiving and xmas break!

{CREATIVE & LEARN}
14. Paint a picture and hang it up!
15. Write a poem.
16. Finger paint!
17. Attend a play/musical.
18. Read at least 10 new books. (0/10)
19. See a movie by myself.
20. Learn to knit a scarf.
21. Have a book of photos made as a portfolio.
22. Take a painting class.
23. Learn to play a song on the piano.
24. Make a year in pictures album
25. complete a sudoku puzzle book.
26. learn to decorate a cake.
27. Learn some common phrases of sign language.
28. eat in ten new restaurants
29. write a christmas letter and send to friends/family.

{ENTERTAINMENT & TRAVEL}
30. Take a road trip with friends.
31. Have a weekend away in Myrtle Beach, SC.
32. Eat at The Cheesecake Factory!
33. Visit New York City.
34. Go camping.
35. Go on a boat in the Charleston Harbor.
36. Go kayaking.
37. Visit at least one theme park.
38. Go to the zoo.
39. Visit Ireland
40. Go on a cruise with friends.
41. Go to a flea market.
42. Go thrift!
{ORGANIZE}
43. Clean out closet and donate!
44. get a book shelf
45. clean out desk once a month
46. find a place for everything
47. make a first aid kit for my car.
48. Clean the car at least once a month.
49. update music on itunes
50. upload pics to flickr

{FOR MYSELF}
51. Get 200 lens
52. Use my passport.
53. Go to Forever 21
54. A weekend ALONE.
55. Get a mani/pedi.
56. Encourage someone to make a list!
57. Walk the bridge
58. Spend a day with Sean and Melissa
59. have 5 people evaluate me on 4 different areas of my life. (honestly)
60. Work out and eat healthy.
61. lose weight and maintain for 6 months
62. go on a date.

{FOR OTHERS}
63. Give blood.
64. Help build a house for Habitat for Humanity.
65. Go barefoot for a day (TOMS Day)
66. Do five random acts of kindness. (0/5)
67. learn CPR.
68. Donate to charity. (0/200)
69. Get at least one person to make a 101 list.
70. Cook dinner for friends.
71. Attend a volunteer event t.
72. Teach creative team an awesome skit.

{FUN}
73. Attend a concert, any concert.
74. Go to a drive-in movie.
75. Buy a bike.
76. 80's roller skating
77. Watch the sunrise and sunset in the same day.
78. Try a new haircut.
79. Get a cabin for a weekend.
80. go on shopping spree
81. have a girls night out
82. get a toy yorkie or kittykat.
83. sing karaoke.

84. Go to a festival.
85. Have a guest blogger each month.
86. Learn
87. Have a tshirt blanket made.
88. make tye-dye shirt.
{BUSINESS & CAREER & MONEY}
89. Start a fund jar for vacationing
90. Put away $10 every month.
91. Look for career opportunities.
92. start a small business.
93. look into missions
94. give money to coastal
95. give money to volleyball team
96. build a resume.
97. journal ideas for career
98.upgrade camera equipment.
99. go to coinstar
100. $$ for creative team
101. have 15 people evaluate me on my leadership.

update on life

- school has been very busy lately, and i have not been putting much effort into it. i really am going to have to kick butt after fall break, speaking of fall break thursday through sat night i will be in asheville, nc working with women who went through trafficking.

-friends, have been amazing, but one of them really should stop lying because the group is tired of it, if you have not noticed.

i really miss my highschool friends, but at the same time they arent making an effort to see me, so were they even my friends in the first place?

the weather is awesome

song of the week

"The Only Exception"--Paramore

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched as he tried to reassemble it

And my mama swore
That she would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But, darling, you are the only exception
But you are the only exception
But you are the only exception
But you are the only exception

Well, maybe I know somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now, I had sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, you are the only exception
Well, you are the only exception
Well, you are the only exception
Well, you are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me of some kind of proof it's not a dream, oh

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing